04/13/2003
This is a review of wolfstone.diaryland.com.
Content - 44/75pts.
[-]Execution - 15/45pts. To protest this teenager's conscious refusal to use the word "suck," which is an excellent Americanism, by the way, I am going to overuse it in this review. (The diarist is Singaporean.)
After reading the first entry, I wanted to shoot you and put you out of your misery. You suck. There was also a little concern about my misery, because if you were going to be passionately theatrical about your homework woes, I will surely be bored out of my mind...
And here, I stumbled on a list of rhetorical questions (after the part about your family). I hate rhetorical questions. If you know or believe something, tell your reader what it is clearly. Don't ask them stupid, repetitive, unoriginal questions to make them guess your belief or factoid.
And the factoid wasn't even all that good, just that "human beings suck." Eh. "Teenagers suck when they feign introspection and depth."
In order to use a rhetorical question properly, the audience has to know the answer that you intend for the audience to reach. With questions like What do you think CME is for?, you leave me saying, I don't know! What is CME for? Chinchilla Mating Excitement!
Even for questions that I do understand, you make me want to yell the answer that you don't intend, just to screw with your mind. You ask Is it really that hard to open one's mouth to say a thank you? I shout, YES! And you suck!
You overanalyze stupid things without even knowing what you're talking about. (You say so yourself, like at the end of this entry.) And if it's so much better that you don't think as often, why did you start a diary? Why continue it? (Your answers to MY rhetorical questions are: I don't know why I started my diary and I shouldn't continue it and I really suck.)
If you hate society, why don't you burn your computer and become a halfway homosexual hermit who habits the house on the hill? (I should do that! And I suck so much.)
This is not a rhetorical question: Can you cook?
This probably has something to do with little kids not being allowed to chew gum anymore. (Is that a myth?)
All of the war entries are the same as everyone else's. Only more theatrical, and therefore with more suckage of the suckiness that sucks.
Not only is America trying to get Iraqi oilfields (and let there be no euphemisms about it), but it is also trying to rub its vernacular stupidity onto you. WERD.
Turn it off!
What's the point of keeping a journal? To write rhetorical questions (that suck)! And you've done it well! One hundred and eighty one rhetorical questions! Divided by about sixty entries, that's three rhetorical questions an entry. I didn't see a single entry without a rhetorical question. That's impressive. In the entry I just linked, you had thirty-one rhetorical questions.
Please stop using them. They suck.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 7/10pts. You have a bad habit of using run-ons: But don't condemn it, they don't worship Satan. The proper punctuation mark is a semicolon. It's interesting that you are so defensive in that entry even though the people who read your diary are from all over the world, leaving you no real reason to defend your beliefs.
Well, until now. Wicca sucks.
Here: Peace has it's own definition
Remember. "Its" is the possessive pronoun and "it's" is "it is."
[-]Readability - 7/10pts. What's a tudung? (I went to the trouble to do a Google image search for it. Oh.)
I've already whined about "CME," whatever that is. Remember that your readers are not all from Singapore.
[-]Style - 4/10pts. Try to write more naturally. Your entries seemed almost affected because of those retarded rhetorical questions, but by simply stating what you believe instead of asking those stupid questions, your diary will seem much more genuine. And your style and ability to control the language will be much more impressive.
You should also consider using the awesome word "suck" every once in a while.
Layout - 6/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 3/5pts. Pink links on a purple background? Ugly and illegible. Imood? Ugly and stupid. Guest map? Retarded and ugly. The recurring theme here is "ugly."
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 3/5pts. The archive navigation is confusing. There is an "older" link that only shows April entries. The other months are listed in the drop-down box, which seems strange to me. How about putting a drop-down box with just the older months inside your "older.html" page?
And your font is much too small. TOO small.
Contact - 5/5pts.
Updates - 4/5pts. Rules dictate about ten to fifteen entries a month, and you lose, probably because you suck so much.
Errors - 3/5pts. Internet poetry, even if written by famous dead men, SUCKS, especially Diaryland poetry because Diaryland users are, for the most part, too gosh-darned stupid to know how to break lines properly.
If you don't want your poetry to skip lines, you've got to change Diaryland's default "p" tags to "br" tags! Do it now. (If you don't understand what I just said, go learn HTML before you make sucky websites.)
Total - 44/100pts. And that means you SUCK. Just kidding. Actually, it means your diary will get shuffled into the "bad" category. Good luck with Singapore, Future Hermit.
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