04/13/2003
This is a review of techrat.diaryland.com, written with the help of guest reviewer Gay Black Male (GBM?).
Content - 57/75pts.
[-]Execution - 40/45pts. Gay Black Man would like to inform you that the funniest sentence written on your diary is found on the November 8, 2001 entry. You wrote we have new neighbours. they seem nice. a kid came over today and asked to borrow a hammer. Oh, tears were rolling down Gay Black Man's gay black face.
The diary is free association for the quietly cynical. You skip class a lot, and you skip merrily through every topic possible. You go from peas to optical mouses back to peas, all in entries that have fewer than ten sentences. Strangely enough, the subject hopping, which is usually eternally aggravating, doesn't annoy because anyone, just by reading your diary, can become your friend. And Gay Black Man, he needs a friend.
This is the most absurd thing I've ever read (or that Gay Black Man's ever read) on Diaryland. Who do you think you are, royalty? Absurd, and yet, amusing. I approve of the way you organize your archives, by the way.
Piercing Story Number One: The lip ring was made by a "very drunk friend" with a "safety" pin. Gay Black Man frowns at the possibility of infection. Safe, yeah right. Lifestyle - disapproved. Entry? Approved.
How hopeless. An e-mail to Matthew Good. And so it's all right to stalk Matthew Good, but not all right to stalk Josh Hartnett?
Gay Black Man's second favorite entry was written on May 30, 2002, in which you wrote we have new neighbours. they're kinda loud.
One thing that annoys me (but not Gay Black Man but then he doesn't seem to be annoyed with anything) is that every time you go off someplace and don't update for a day or two or a year, you write, "sorry I haven't written," which is okay, but then you add, "but not that anyone cares." Oh, psh. Someone cares. It's such a waste of time to write "but no one cares," and it annoys me because you wouldn't write it if no one really cared, and anyway, it's repetitive and boring and I'm tired of reading it. (Dork Boy, for example, must care or at least pretend to care.)
But for the most part, the entries are interesting and amusing. They're written sort of like they're jokes for your friends, but you companionably include everyone. This is interesting, isn't it? I find it rather ironic, especially since you're such a cynical misanthropist. Gay Black Man claps his hands.
Oh, and the answer to this burning question? It was I, and I noticed it and felt mildly guilty. I have two suggestions that might help solve this problem in the future. One is to either pay for image hosting or not use images. The second is to write dull entries about growing potatoes.
Thankfully, you haven't yet done the second.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 0/10pts. I was going to give you partial in grammar despite your apparent ignorance of the existence of a shift key, but I began to get muddled about when your sentences began and ended, so no partial for you. Slash, slash, slash. Use your shift key.
[-]Readability - 7/10pts. It's really flamin' (Gay Black Malian) hard to read when the first letter isn't capitalized. Is it so hard? This is unrelated, but my foot hurts.
[-]Style - 10/10pts. It's a good thing that you write short entries. I approve highly. Your style is best in small doses.
Layout - 9/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 5/5pts. Does Dork Boy really suck? (I kept accidentally clicking that link, which was annoying.)
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 4/5pts. Consider changing the visited links on your older page a different color for the convenience of readers who attempt to read a large number of entries (in other words, for MY convenience). It's really annoying that Diaryland users think it's okay to force visited links to default to the same color as unvisited links.
To help you fix it, I tried to find a color to use for visited links, but every color I chose looked painfully ugly. So, instead, I think it might be a good idea to force visited links to have a line through. Good?
Go to the page that lets you edit the template of archives. Find a:visited {text-decoration: none; font-weight: bold; color: #0099CC;} and change text-decoration: none; to text-decoration:line-through; and you'll be set.
No, wait, you won't be set. You have one more thing to do. Every single link that you DON'T want to be crossed out (in other words, the links on your navigation bar) needs to have style="text-decoration:none" added to the href tag. (Don't forget your guestbook and guest map links at the very top.)
Okay, now you're set.
I check on people after they're reviewed. If you don't fix your site, I'll wave my fist in utter futility.
Contact - 5/5pts.
Updates - 5/5pts. I would have been very annoyed by the September to November disappearance if I knew you.
Errors - 4/5pts. The April 13th entry shows up three times on your archive page. Was it THAT good?
Total - 80/100pts. The diary is "good," which means "approved." Thank you for your "submission." Gay Black Male likes deer, by the way.
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