03/06/2003
This is a review of stumblebee.diaryland.com (now requires password).
Content - 53/65
[-]Execution - 28/35pts. I debated on this one for a bit. Maybe it was that you lost your allegedly brilliant "Fresh Start" entry. I couldn't figure out what your purpose for the diary was, without that tell-all (I assume it was a tell-all, anyway). I felt disjointed and drifted for a bit, thinking that I was a little cheated out of something.
I couldn't really figure out what sort of writer or person you were at first. You turned twenty but you sounded fourteen, saying you were "so 'Survivor.' " And I felt alone, even as I read your diary, because you referred to some sort of meeting that other people knew about but nothing that I need to know. I hate feeling alone. It made me peeved.
Okay, so I moved on from that first entry. The rest of the diary alleviated the peevishness and the loneliness. The snippets of life style of writing that you adopted through most of your diary works well. When you write about one thing, you write well, such as the story of your clumsily broken arms. When you attempt to write about several different events, you become vague and never really delve adequately into any of the subjects, and the reader sighs in impatience and begins to skim throught he diary. You do it here. I should have noted the page as I read because I had a bugger of a time finding an example of you rambling about random crap no one cares about. Which is good! You don't do it often, and it's commendable.
I was entertained by your diary enough to forgive the early weakness of your diary though. Overall, your diary is a good read, which is what I expect of my published diaries. Good job. Now stop wasting so much time at Diaryland and go pick a REAL major.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 10/10pts. I wish desperately that I could write "But, of course! You're in college, after all." Now isn't the time to whine about problems in the public education system..
[-]Readability - 9/10pts. I hate it when kids shorten people's names, like you did with your boyfriend "J." Oh, come on. Just write his real name. I mean, it isn't as if his name is that distinctive. It isn't as if his name is "Jaali hru ra hotep." I don't know how to pronounce that.
[-]Style - 6/10pts. It's adequate, but it could be better. Sometimes you sound as though you haven't fully developed as a writer. Your style, while not forced exactly, doesn't really seem to be distinctive. And once you used "totally" as a teenage adverb. Capital offense. There were other lapses similar to that. I wasn't very impressed by your style.
Layout - 18/20pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 8/10pts. I like your layout. Clean and pretty and unobtrusive. However, there was a little distortion around the letters of your banner.
[-]Navigability - 5/5pts. These are an easy five points, and I'm glad you didn't waste them.
[-]Legibility - 5/5pts. Same here.
Contact - 5/5pts. Sure. Yep.
Updates - 4/5pts. In January you dipped under fifteen entries. That means you checked in with us for fewer than half the days in the month. Bad. Don't do that again. You are nothing if you do not tell every embarrassing story about yourself in your journal.
Errors - 3/5pts. The link for February on your archive page just seems to lead to March entries. Also, there were errors with some of your images- on this page and this one, the images don't exist. If I were you, I would check every page that has an image on it because those probably have the same error.
Total - 83/100pts. Hey, kiddo, congratulations! You're officially one of the good ones! In fact, the *very first* one! You'll have a special place in my heart and so on. Have a great life and good luck.
Previous - Next - Back to Top
|
|