03/23/2003
This is a review of seanandjacob.diaryland.com.
Content - 65/75pts.
[-]Execution - 45/45pts. To differentiate between the two gay (or possibly even heterosexual) roommates, I read all of Jacob's entries first, in one sitting, and then all of Sean's entries. That way, I could tell the difference between you two, which is the meaning of "differentiate." Your writing didn't indicate the difference clearly. Seanjacob or Jacobsean gets muddled sometimes. At first I thought that Jacob would be the nonsensical one, but then Sean is just as silly at times, so now I don't know what to think except that SJ or JS is just not very good at being two people.
Or maybe there are two people. There might be. So I read the entries separately.
Jacob first. (Alphabetically, you know.) I believe very strongly that abortion is evil and kills fetuses. But humor isn't about beliefs; it's about screaming. But my humor fails to match Jacob's in fancied death and destruction. Maybe later, in the other life, when I've more testosterone gushing around inside of me.
Aha. I think I know the difference. Sean is poetic and Jacob is murderous. He tries to kill old women and small children, reminding me of a crazed, homicidal bearded man. And then he killed the car salesman. But, you know, I won't criticize. One mustn't criticize deities, especially deities of such professional and respected sports as bowling.
Unfortunately, Iraq arrived to confuse JS or SJ or whoever because suddenly, Jacob was writing a metaphorical story about Hans Blix and pie. I thought, NOOO! That's Sean's job.
Because Sean's entries are metaphorical and poetic. For example, this entry about "Extreme Scavenger Hunt" is really a dissertation on the materialistic nature of someone's society (possibly Sean's). And then, the story about the bus conversation metaphorically and poetically compared the human condition to small sea creatures. And then careful analysis of war, written by someone who correctly dictated that Nature commit suicide. Good.
I was wrong, however, because Sean (or possibly Jacob posing as Sean) churned out this very unpoetic piece about his dead uncle. It's humorous, sure, but Sean is supposed to be a melancholy poet, not a clown. What's the difference between that entry and Jacob's quest to sell his own feces?
Now for the boring entries:
...
Well, all of the entries were intended to entertain. And it is much easier to be successful as entertainment than it is to be introspective (although Sean does try it, at times). Anyway, there were no dull entries. Nicely done, Seanjacob or Jacobsean or whoever.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 0/10pts. Do you know why you can't sell your feces? Probably your grammar errors. Did you know that schizophrenic people sometimes smell feces that aren't really there? A psychologist once told me that. You can read the other funny things this man told me at the bottom of this page. (That link goes to a page on my website. It's an Angelfire site, so there are pop-ups and spy ware and God knows what else. Sigh. I'm sorry.)
Anyway, the grammar errors. (This is NOT a complete list. There simply isn't room to point out all of your twitch-inducing errors.)
Sean's errors:
-Here: "Basicaly you drive down the street"
-Here: "The plantiff is dating my estranged husband"
-Here: You had some Spanish in this entry that was completely wrong. It gave me hives. And then you wrote, "and therefor doesn't count." I blew up.
Jacob's errors:
-Here: "Him speaking in tongues, and myself in english." [This whole sentence is so wrong, I think I shall throw up.]
-Here:"Well, without further adieu, I present to you" [You mean ADO! "Adieu" is "good-bye" in Belgian or French or some-such pansy language.]
-Here:"i gathered some sticks/and i sharpened them with a rock." [Shift key. Hello.]
[-]Readability - 10/10pts. Just fine. Except when you try to speak in Spanish.
[-]Style - 10/10pts. Jacob's good style, from here: "Hans took a bite... He slobbered. He attempted to button up his T-shirt, and tie his velcro shoes. His mind had been blown away."
Sean's good style, from here: "Then something happened that caught me completely off guard, without even thinking I built a rudimentary television out of a cardboard box, a cell phone, a couple plastic sporks, a coffee filter, a cheese danish, and a ball point pen. It worked fine and could even pick up channels my old TV couldn't." [Although that first sentence is a run-on.]
Layout - 8/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. Sex. Okay. Woohoo. However, it's unnerving and displeasing to see "a promiscuity plan" slip out from under my mouse when it does nothing but sit about innocently enough near the text while I read. Would you take that awful alt and title out of your body tag? That'd be nice. Or maybe you want to create discomfort.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 4/5pts. Archive? I have another idea. Why don't you make your visited links some other color? Gray? That way, I can tell which entries I've already read.
Contact - 5/5pts. You've even got SOMETHING.
Updates - 5/5pts. I think that Sean wins this race. He once updated twice in a row in December, possibly while having Jacob locked in the bathroom.
Errors - 4/5pts. Is this a poem? You should use <br> instead of letting Diaryland automatically use <p>. Or don't write poetry at all.
Did you spell Jacob's name incorrectly on that very first entry?
Total - 87/100pts. Sean and Jacob (Jacob and Sean): a good team, sure. Who is the better writer of the two? I'd have to say Tom Clancy. I would have fallen out of my chair laughing about that authors key, by the way, if you'd spelled ol' Tommy's name correctly. Other than that, this diary is tops. And bottoms. And Seans and Jacobs.
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