03/12/2003
This is a review of peachykeen01.diaryland.com (now requires password).
Content - 41/75pts.
[-]Execution - 22/45pts. Too bad I can't mark down points for disliking a person. Sigh. I wish I could voice my opinion on the subject of teen drinking and promiscuity, but I can't. Sigh. I wish I could wax irritatingly holier-than-thou. Sigh.
Oh wait, this is MY site! No one else owns it, and no one else reviews for it. I could, really, do whatever I wanted. There are no censors, really.
With that said, I'm just going to make fun of you for the next few paragraphs. You're almost too easy to make fun of. Look at what you say! Too bad I'm too shallow to go out with him. Ha, ha!
Here: Heather called me today and my mom was like "your grounded" I figured I was, but I didn't know. When Heather called me was like sitting next to Amanda, she was saying stuff about the whole Davina thing. And she was listening to country, so I was all stupid okie slut. Now, is your mother the "Okie slut" or is it Heather? Or maybe Heather is your mother.
You know, I think you must have a justifiable reason for your alcoholism. It's just that no one knows what it is. You make vague references to some sort of miserable childhood trauma. What is this, some sort of attempt at a "stay tuned!" effect? It works not. I just want to hear the details, sticky and disgusting. (So that I can commiserate and hate the Evil Touching Man, to which I assume the trauma relates.)
And here, you wrote: Who the hell writes conversations in their diaries? I'm weird. The question should really be "Who doesn't write conversations in her diary?" And the answer would be "no one." Everyone and her annoying little (female) cousin writes conversations into her diary. How better to show the pointlessness of a teenage relationship?
Do you like Heather or hate her?
You are writing to a person who doesn't cut and makes jokes like "I like my smooth, pretty arm the way it is, scar-less. It is for purely cosmetic reasons that I do not let my rage turn into self-mutilation." Want to read more of my jokes? You can visit the page on my site where I make the joke here. (Ha, ha.) Anyway, you talk about cutting here, and you make it sound like something that I can make a dumb joke about. You make it sound as pointless as I imply it is. Is that really the message you want to get across? That your favorite vent-angst activity is pointless?
No one's rationale for cutting is very, well, rational. It makes it okay for people like me to make jokes about it. Defend yourself! It's your diary.
I wasn't really excited about your diary until I heard about the baby. At first I thought that you were the one who was pregnant, and it confused me a little bit because you drink all the time, but then maybe you don't care about FAS and so on. (I blame you for my confusion. I skipped around your entries, sure, but it still shouldn't have been confusing who the mother was. My goodness.) Anyway, the baby was born, and I thought, wee, a baby! And it's your boyfriend's baby, but not yours. The plot thickens like a bleeding accident victim's blood.
I sort of think of these diaries like movies or novels. Maybe that's why my scores are so low. I seem to count off points for having dull lives. I like exciting or amusing plots.
Maybe it's a good thing the baby isn't yours since you can't seem to stop getting high. Is it fun? I spend all of my time in my room reading and sleeping. Sometimes I play music. But usually, just read and sleep.
By the way, alcohol is NOT legal for you, contrary to what you may think. You wrote, "Why is this shit legal?" Cough.
You're boy-crazy and annoying, but your diary really is for you. You wrote: I was reading a couple older entries...damn it's been like a month since I've called Justin. Okay. Cool. You're refreshingly unpretentious.
I just sort of think it would have made for a more interesting plot if you were pregnant. But that's hardly your fault. At least you were sufficiently confusing. And sufficiently repetitious. (How many times did you tell me that Justin's hot and John is hot and Ben is hot, and jeez, everyone is hot.)
You have lived up to all of my expectations.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 4/10pts. Some of your entries completely ignore the shift key and others are written perfectly. Drunk and not drunk?
[-]Readability - 8/10pts. I had a hard time keeping track of Justin and John and Ben and Heather and what's-her-name, the Okie Slut.
[-]Style - 7/10pts. For the most part, I like your style. You're, like I said, refreshingly unpretentious. It's a good feeling. I jive like a something-mumble turkey. I don't know where this really came from. You're not Shakespeare or Jane Austen, but on the other hand, you don't pretend like you are either, which is a bad habit that most teenagers have. You have a free-and-easy style that reflects your alcoholic personality.
However, you are repetitious, and you have a bad habit (which I think you've broken) of using long paragraphs.
Layout - 8/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. Consider changing your a:hover thing to something that doesn't make the link larger. When you do that, everything shifts, and it makes me feel seasick, especially on your archives pages. The background doesn't help the seasickness. Other than that, well, I like Barney Purple just as much as every other teenage alcoholic.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 4/5pts. It's much easier to read when your font is bold. Change it back to that.
Contact - 5/5pts. Yeah.
Updates - 4/5pts. In September 2002, you had less than the needed fifteen entries. What were you doing? We're dying to know.
Errors - 2/5pts. My poetry rant! Go somewhere and figure out how to make your poetry not skip lines. I complained about it on an older review, and I roughly explained how one would go about fixing that sort of thing there. You're just pure lazy if you don't take the time to fix this thing.
Also, your archives are listed in this order:
Spring 2002
Early-Winter 2002
Summer 2002
Fall 2002
Winter 2002-2003
And this order is not chronological. See how the Jan/Feb months are listed AFTER the March/April ones?
Your window-in-a-window thing does NOT work in Opera. Slash, slash, goes my lucky red pen.
Total - 60/100pts. This score makes you mediocre. And, remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk! They collected pennies at lunch for Mothers Against Drunk Driving today. What do they use those pennies for, I wonder? Probably to buy cocktails at the MADD meetings. Sigh. It's because of people like you that people like me have to deal with the retarded MADD posters and that horrible crushed car at the entrance of the school parking lot. Thanks a lot. Humph.
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