03/25/2003
This is a review of neuroticaa.diaryland.com (now defunct).
Content - 45/75pts.
[-]Execution - 30/45pts. Possibly wrong allegation forwarded by your reviewer about four entries into your diary: FAKE!
Okay, well, maybe not fake, but at least exaggerated. Listen, here you say that "love has always turned around and bit me in the ass." Examples? One little high school boyfriend (yeah, "one little high school boyfriend".. do you want me to say it again?) came out gay? That doesn't allow you to categorically decide that your entire love life is down the crapper.
And what about your friends' love? And your parents? Bitten by that love? And if you want to be love, why would you turn down dates? If you want to be touched, go out (with your little high school boyfriends). It's good that you're going to accept your dates, then, but why "shakily"? I don't think that it really is that big of a deal to you.
The excerpts from your pre-teen diaries were more genuine, probably because you didn't waste as much time with guest books, rings, cliques, quizzes, reviews, cards, blah, blah, blah, when you wrote in your real diary. Be careful that your extras don't make it impossible for you to keep a good diary.
The love story? That was lovely. A bit conventional ("He made me what I am now") and a little bit superficial ("I know it was true love because he isn't even all that good looking"), but sweet ("Beautiful soul. Beautiful soul") and prettily teenaged ("He came from a broken home, naturally. Most of the wonderful people in the world do"). But there are problems. On this page, you say, "I remember the first boy I fell in love with, he turned out to be gay." I'd read that entry first, so when I discovered The Love Story, I thought that it'd be about Gay Boy. After all, you said, "He was the first person outside my family that I've ever loved."
So, you've had a lot of pretty little high school "first loves," huh? No wonder love "bites you in the ass." Good, Bad, Mediocre advice? Stop falling in love. Go read a book instead. It's better for your digestion.
I flipped back to read your older entries after coming to the conclusion that you're a "fake," and I said, quite pleased with myself, "Aha. Proof of her real identity." (Notice how I even speak using links. I practically think "a href.") And your real identity? Like-oh-my-gosh-whee teenager. Or at least you were in May, Oh Two. (I like that better than "two kay two," which I loathe with much fruitless fist-waving.)
Har, har. People who are actually depressed go and shoot themselves. The attention-whorish depressed make Diaryland diaries. (Are you actually bipolar? You don't sound it.) (Work on that. Bipolar people sometimes write very interesting diaries and novels and plays.)
It is strange the secrets that people tell strangers, here and at other sites and places (therapy, for example). But you're intelligent and you don't seem to share emotion anywhere, neither here nor real life, right? Or you write enigmatically (you loved whom when?) and then you're sure to be safe.
Why on Earth would you write this: "Learned a few things today, none of which I care to discuss here"? Gee, so then you'll just repeat the stultifying idiocies that you've always known. (Why even mention it if you aren't going to talk about it?) The rest of the entry wasn't very impressive either. I didn't really read it, but as I skimmed, I saw a lot of names and as they were male names, I knew there would be LOVE in the air, and I've had enough of your love.
You know, of course, that you can do anything with your diary. Anything at all! You don't have to be introspective and revealing if you don't want to be (which you obviously do not). But if you decide to not be introspective and revealing, please resist the temptation to dangle a possibility of pain and soul-exposure to your readers. Don't say things like how you want to "spill out ALL of your deepest and darker-than-black secrets. About how you've been violated, manipulated, taken advantage of, betrayed..." Oh, shove it in a donkey. No one cares if you're not going to tell us. Tell us or don't, but don't bore us.
Also, who the heck is MSP? Band? Drug? Maryland State Police?
Credit where it's due - you make cutting sound natural. I'm not being sarcastic. Really. It's honest and I buy it. Well done.
However, I disapprove of one-lined entries. Waste of bandwidth.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 0/10pts. Zero points. You had a lot of errors (more than ten), so zero it must be. I discovered an interesting and compelling entry about Iraq, which is FULL of grammatical errors. My comments [are bracketed], obviously. Some of them don't really have anything to do with grammar. I don't put quotation marks around your comments. I number instead.
1.) highschool [It is two words, contrary to popular belief.]
2.) But we figured it wasn't very productive [You didn't do the walk-out. Therefore, it "wouldn't be" very productive, not "wasn't very." How can it have been anything if it never was at all? This is called the "subjunctive tense."]
3.) If they have their own beliefs, that's good -- I want them too! [You also want them? Who else wants them? Or are you saying that you want beliefs? You see how confusing it can get if you mix up "to" and "too"?]
4.) I don't care which side you're on, but be able to justify yourself with valid knowledge of what in the blue fuck you're talking about, instead of just going along with whatever your friends and parents have told you... [If you don't care, then why would you set up a table telling people war is wrong (which you call "educating people")? Stop making out to be more apathetic than you are. It's good to care. but it's bad to pretend you don't if you do, and you do, so stop pretending. Also, whoa, run-on.]
5.) Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. [Nothing grammatically wrong with this, but you throw this out there with no proof, just saying whatever the blue fuck your Greenpeace pansy chipmunk freak friends tell you to think. Cough.]
6.) But it's so hard, diary, sooooo hard, when you're so passionate about something, and you've stuffed your brain with as much as I have to become sharp and articulate on the subject, only to be abused like that along with your friends who DO hold the same values sacred. [Aha, see? Bunch of chipmunks]
7.) Civillians [you mean "civilians"]
8.) And, Bush, if you're going to join something like the UN, you don't just follow their rules whenever they're in your favor [Bush didn't personally join the UN. Watch what you're saying. Watch your pronouns]
9.) And then people get attitude [They get attitude? Or they get an attitude? It's a stupid way of saying that they get upset or emotional, however.]
And Number Ten. You whine and are buggered that people aren't educated. And then you don't know how to spell Baghdad? Your country is blowing up the city, and you don't know how to spell it? Forget you. Hypocritical chipmunk. The army is blowing the city up, and small babies and depressed Iraqi teenagers are dying as we speak, and you're too lazy to look up how to spell the word.
11.) eyes lit bright like curiosity, tapping their converse sneakers in anxiety, and it just seemed like we were all listening in to the universe losing it's innocence. [You probably mean "lit brightly WITH curiosity." Or, actually, God knows what you chipmunks mean. Capitalize "Converse," and you mean "its innocence"]
Good, Bad, Mediocre advice: stop arguing with morons. Why bother? Instead, gang together with your Converse-packing chipmunk friends and blow up the Pentagon. I bet "blow up the Pentagon" is one of the key-phrases for which the Homeland Security Hooligans crawl on the Internet. That's why I wrote it here. I'm determined to be a martyr. A chipmunk martyr, like you kids.
[-]Readability - 7/10pts. What in Pete's name (his name is Pete) are you talking about on this entry? Who's Greg? What'd he do? Pills? Gun? Rope? Who's Christine?
[-]Style - 8/10pts. Mostly good. (Check "Converse sneakers" for the lapses.) But overall good. For example: "He moves! He lives! Jesus H. tap dancin' Christ, he really is real!"
Layout - 7/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. I spend most of my time on your archive pages. And because your links, when highlighted, become bold (on top of being underlined, overlined, and turned into gray), the links that are a certain length jump from one line to two lines, causing all of the links to jump. Once you check the error section (of the review) and do whatever it is you're doing on your entry pages on your archive pages, this problem will be fixed.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 3/5pts. Either start making your paragraphs indented (use the code for a space - you know "non-breaking space") or try skipping lines between paragraphs.
Your font is too small. Your font is TOO SMALL. It's pretty, but who cares? It's too small.
Contact - 5/5pts. Why do you have so much junk? Cliques, card, poetry, quizzes, make out, reviews, fucklist, who the hell cares? Ugh. (By the way, I'm not counting off points, but I am complaining. I've every right to complain and proclaim my beliefs across Internet Wonderland.)
Updates - 2/5pts. Months in 2002 were characterized by lack of entries.
Errors - 3/5pts. On my computer (I use the latest version of IE to read DL diaries because they don't seem to work anywhere else. And I speak English, and so does my computer), on this page (and some others like this one, this one, and this one), the apostrophe comes out looking like a capitalized letter "o" with a tilde (~) over it. I'd check all of your pages (if you are obsessive) because the error probably shows up. I didn't see it in your earlier entries though. Have you started writing in some weird Lithuanian word processor? Don't do that. Stick with Notepad.
On your archive pages, the navigation links at the top hop around like bugs on a bug-hopper. It's hard to catch "bio," especially. You've fixed the links on your regular pages, so I imagine this is simply just something you've overlooked. For shame. By using the style commands you use on your regular pages, that problem with the links jumping two lines that I mentioned earlier will also probably be solved.
Total - 62/100pts. Mediocrity welcomes you with comforting arms. Sleep, chipmunk. Sleep.
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