03/15/2003
This is a review of joeydafool.diaryland.com.
Content - 60/75pts.
[-]Execution - 38/45pts. This fellow had the gall, when requesting a review, to tell me that he, fortunately, is "not a whiny little teenager" and that this "will probably please [me] to no end." Hah! We'll see about that! This makes me want to slap a death knell-inducing "5" onto his execution score.
Here's basically what this diary is: Alpha male makes mating call, and oh, horrors, he succeeds! Now he's stuck with giggly female, and he writes one-liners we've all heard before. Of course, the mandatory Rule Number 7: "Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us."
Yeah, so he's not a whiny little teenager. It sounds like he's a whiny little twenty-somethinger. Sigh. (What's the difference? Pretensions. And also, it is now legal for the fellow to be an alcoholic.)
Want proof that he's whiny? Try this entry. Wah, my life is boring. And here, the world's against him.
I was wondering about what's wrong with this man (and worried that he's procreated. And the baby's picture is here. The man makes blue babies. God. And the baby likes Weezer. Great, a new generation of mindless, earless peons, sending American music even further down that spiral of stupidity), and then I read the entry about his parents. Drug addiction and more!
Okay, fine, the baby is pretty. But "Jared" is a silly name. I'm going to name my fetus "The Messiah." You can call him "Master." When he's done being a fetus, he can be called "King Lear."
So, adult love? He expresses it thus: But now I have Dana. yay!! Oh, boy. I hope he doesn't get her "knocked up" too. (Get a vasectomy, Joester.)
If you're going to list your theSparkdotcom test scores, you should at least mention whether you chose "moist" or "used."
Other comments about the non-kid:
-How can he not be a teenager and STILL LIKE Green Day? Does he NOT OWN ears?
-I would drop out too if I attended U of H. I say that, but then I'm not Italian.
-I live in Houston, but I like him because he said this: I also broke up with French girl yesterday as she's a Texans fan. Well, that's a lie, but it's better than telling you I broke up with her as I can't bothered to speak French all the god damn day. Oh, me. (By the way, I have a theory that people who live in Houston are afraid no one takes them seriously as Texans. Why else would they name the team... well. If they wanted to be taken seriously as Texans, they should stop moving here from Colorado and be BORN here, like real Texans.)
I liked this diary. Go read the entries I linked to. There was a lot of sex and a lot of "uber-masculine" stupidity, but then he's an Italian, a Texan, and a model. (He seriously does use the word "uber," and several times at that. Ha.) He's whiny, but it satisfies one's voyeuristic yearnings.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 5/10pts. The man does not know how to use apostrophes. Look here: "whilst she visit's her parents." No! This is WRONG. I must refer you to this helpful comic strip. You moronic non-teenager! I cannot bear this error. I had a history teacher who never learned the difference between "its" and "it's," and I was perfectly homicidal around her.
[-]Readability - 10/10pts.
[-]Style - 7/10pts. Uber-masculine! But it seems the fellow really can't decide if he's British or American or what. Why does he use the word "whilst"? Who on Earth still uses that word? Next he'll be calling "telly programmes" things like "droll" and "cheerios!" He doesn't sound very Texan. (Or Italian.) But he does sound male. Very male. And, well, he is a male.
Layout - 8/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. Your site does NOT fit on the screen. Grumble. And on this page, you said that you didn't give a damn. You said, ha, ha, too bad. Lazy bastard. ARR! Points come off NOW!
You have about a hundred pixels of empty space between your entry and the column with your "five latest entries." Here's an idea. All you have to do is resize your top banner/navigation thing to eight or nine hundred pixels, subtract two or one hundred (respectively) pixels from that image map thing, and then make your table eight or nine hundred pixels wide, instead of one thousand.
If I changed my screen settings to what you have, the thing does fit, but...
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 4/5pts. The font is TOO SMALL. Gah, I hate it. I hate it like whatever it is I'm supposed to hate as a good Texan. I make the font larger, and then the thing doesn't fit on the screen anymore. I feel sorry for myself.
Contact - 5/5pts.
Updates - 5/5pts.
Errors - 2/5pts.
On this page, the link to Diary Reviews doesn't work. I hope this teaches you to never get reviews done by people like Diary Reviews. It's your journal telling you what horrible karma they have.
On shorter entries, you should add a valign="top" to the table cell that contains your entries. Or it ends up in the middle of the screen, and that looks a little off, like on this entry.
And, the image on this page doesn't work.
Total - 80/100pts. Oh, look at that. He's got a "Good" diary. I'll leave you with Rule Number 12: (which applies not only to males, but also to items posted on the Internet) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.. G'day! And do quit smoking - it causes erectile dysfunction. I kid you not.
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