03/16/2003
This is a review of goldylockz22.diaryland.com.
Content - 25/75pts.
[-]Execution - 10/45pts. At first, I thought that you wrote poetry and didn't understand how one creates proper stanzas in Diaryland. As it turns out, you write short, choppy sentences that compose short and choppy paragraphs. These create short, choppy entries. Do you have a short, choppy life?
I'm going to call you Angel Harlot because I shall now think that you look like one. And also because I had to scroll down past that angel harlot before I could read any of your entries.
My reviews are normally rather long. Do you mind if I keep it short? And choppy?
Probably not.
Right?
I bet not.
I didn't feel like reading those sorts of entries so I wandered around. And I found the traditional Lisa's Substitute entry, the one good teacher who really understands. Aww. It was the first entry in which the prose didn't bore me. Although the content was a bit... hmm... predictable. Also. How can you be a cheerleader and anti-social? You obviously have a cheerleader definition of "anti-social." Obviously.
Angel Harlot also wanted to waste a few minutes of my life to tell me that she doesn't know the meaning of life. Sigh. Great. Unoriginal. Yawn.
And never mind about the poetry things. You really are writing poetry sometimes, and you really don't know how to make it not skip lines. I HATE that. Like the dickens. Grr. (Scroll down to the last paragraph of the layout section of this previous review for my brief explanation of how to fix this.)
Angel Harlot, you have newsy entries that bore all of us, even you, if you reread it. How to improve an entry like that? Instead of saying that you and he "talked about music," say that you dissected the lyrical idiocy of Weezer, coming to the conclusion that the band is the sole reason that so many teenagers are PETA-loving vegetarian morons.
I mean, you "talked about music"? Who cares? You read, right? You know that "we talked about music" is an uninteresting, dull, trite, repetitive, pointless sentence. It's akin to beginning a story with "it was a dark and stormy night." Oh, golly. I'll show you where the book burner is. Where is the diary burner?
And now you're boy crazy. Oh, puke. I hate teenage love. (And I don't care if you are twenty. You're more teenage than ever, kiddo.)
This story actually had potential. I could feel the potential. At least until the paragraph where you wrote "noooo, not me...." All those ellipses, emotionally proving what point? That you're slovenly, Angel Harlot?
And then the ever-lasting one-lined entries. Recapping your emotional, dysfunctional life in under twenty words, that's impressive in some ways. (I can't even whine about people's bad grammar in under twenty words.) But, as far as being interesting reading, eh. No.
Angel Harlot has jailbird friends, and I think that it might have been an innocent jailbird, but I can't be certain because A.H. was too busy telling me about her crush on some guy's something (cousin? brother?). Do you want to know what your readers want? They want juicy prison stories. Not dull lust stories.
And wah, life is hard. In a story I read a long time ago, a woman criticizes young ladies for saying they love carrots or they love turnips. She says that the word "love" ought to be used for God and parents and such, not for vegetables. And "wah, life is hard" ought not be used for "my high school friends left me." They're just high school friends! They leave everyone. Especially girls who rejoice when they get to decline offers to go out. For shame.
And, Aggh, my ovaries? Bart Simpson said that ages ago. Give credit where it's due, Angel Harlot.
In fact, I think I'll go watch TV now. I've read enough of your diary. I think it'll be more of the same. Have I had two Simpsons references in this review? It's a sign that I ought to go watch it.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 3/10pts. There were plenty of errors along the way. Some were typos. Others were not. Some examples (both from this page)
-"On the way to IN n'OUT Ashley road with me and all the guys squeezed into Greg's honda"
-"Then we got into a deep conversation on weither or not Adam and Eve were hot. "
These quotations show you the pointlessness and mediocrity of most of the entries.
[-]Readability - 6/10pts. Bleh. I didn't like the shortness and the choppiness.
[-]Style - 6/10pts. Short and choppy. Chop, chop. Chop?
Layout - 7/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. My only problem is the angelic harlot. I have to scroll past it to see your entry every time. What's more important, the picture of some stupid harlot or your words? I think you know the answer to that. I think you know it quite well.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 3/5pts. I can't decide whether or not I like the way Angel Harlot organized her older entries. She kept the ones from January, February, and March in "older entries" and more from January in "oldest entries." And all of the previous entries seem to be in something called "past ramblings," but in that section, she's only picked out the highlights of her previous entries. Those "past ramblings" were her best entries. But EVERY entry should be a good entry. You shouldn't have to delete a lot of pointless entries at the end of every year!
Also, your links are too dark to read. You might have had long and clever titles for your entries, but I couldn't read them because they were too dark.
Contact - 5/5pts.
Updates - 5/5pts.
Errors - 4/5pts. You're one of those people who've got a window inside the main browser window. And you're one of the people who've done it wrong. In Netscape, the text doesn't scroll properly. (Check it if you don't believe me.) To fix that error, all you have to do is find this tag (by the way, the tags go from the greater-than sign to the less-than sign - this is a LONG tag) <div id="cdiv" style="position: absolute; left: 221; top: 271; z-index: 3; text-align: left; height: 442; overflow-y: auto; width: 384; background-color: #000000; border: 1px solid #FFFFFF; padding: 4px"> and change the overflow-y to just overflow.
Total - 46/100pts. You're whiny. Your poetry is whiny. Your prose is whiny But at least it's short, albeit choppy. Welcome to Bad World. I don't know why all these people sign the Guestbook warning me of their whiny teenage status. Do I care? No. That isn't what gets you a low score! What gets you a low score is making me want to watch television. I hate television.
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