03/12/2003
This is a review of freakymandy.diaryland.com.
Content - 21/75pts.
[-]Execution - 15/45pts. I totally shouldn't even read this diary. I should put "5" for everything based on the name "freakymandy" and go to bed. But I think that freakymandy, out there in Diaryland, would take her freakymandy-ish and teenage hatred and anger out on her sweet little neighbor (who is only eight). And that would make me an accomplice. Never! Not on MY shift! (I am the only one with shifts.)
On the first entry I read, she said I'm like so sad now. She's LIKE.. soooo sad. Oh, boy. She did this right before typing in irrelevant lines from some retarded song that no one will remember in a month, least of all her.
Now I'm going to actually speak to freakymandy. I'm brave. Here goes: You spent the four entries before that entry talking about constipation. This could have been so funny. Constipation. Four entries. I laugh, but I can't credit you with the humor because I'm laughing at the twist my mind puts on it, not your presentation of the event. You could have been MUCH more funny. Come on.
Skipping back to earlier days, you had a few entries about gaining weight. Don't click that link. It's a boring list of you whining about the boring things you do to get rid of your tummy and such.
No one cares.
I know that it may seem unreasonable for me to attempt to represent all of the billions of people who use the Internet right now, but I know even more that I speak for them all when I say that "no one cares." Really. No one does.
I bet you don't even care. I bet if you clicked on the link, you wouldn't last all the way through your own entry. Stop writing those sorts of entries.
Ahh, sweet teen romance. And here is some more sweet teen love. I think I'm going to throw up. Or fall out of my chair, throwing up. In either case, the vomit will present itself.
You have an entry titled "Everyone Loves Gays," and I thought, me too! I love gay people! I'm Mr. Gay People! (No, wait, that wasn't what I meant...) Anyway, apparently, you aren't a part of "everyone." You seem to dislike them and discriminate against them (if a heterosexual couple can kiss in public, why can't two homosexual men? Is it because they're gayyyyy?), but you can't seem to express your hatred and disgust correctly. And I'm not here to judge your hatred or your disgust. I'm here to judge your ability to express said hatred and disgust. And a simple "Disgusted" at the end does not make up for the "Take note dat i dont hate gays" (sic). ("Sic" means that the typos and spelling are HER, not my, mistakes.)
On this entry you hate your friends, while on this entry, you adore them, saying, "I bought a geeky pair of shoes, and you no what? Everyone admired it. They said it was so bold of me and it was cool. I was like what?! And i felt happy to have em as my friends. Good friends I should say." Herm. You like your friends when they like your shoes? But sometimes, you don't wear new shoes, and you realize how mean your friends are? You can't even be consistently superficial!
And, comfort yourself, freakymandy. You aren't weird, as you profess to be. You're just like everybody else. You're trying to be yourself honestly? Just go buy shoes that your friends will compliment. That'll get you your happy.
You're one of those people whose entries are all pretty much the same. This one is the Journal-Summing Entry. You ramble. You're superficial. I yawn. I want to hear constipation jokes. I change the channel.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 0/10pts. You use too many ellipses. Instead of counting the number of times you said "sad," you should have counted the number of times you used ellipses for no reason. And that's fourteen.
Your older entries are.. wow. They're scary. I can't give you any points in this section because you break every single rule in your older entries.
[-]Readability - 3/10pts. I can't even read this entry. And you're full of crap when you write this entry, because it is written in readable English, while the first is not. It's just laziness.
[-]Style - 3/10pts. You had a lot of articles you found somewhere else, like here and here. I wasn't really paying attention to the title, and I began to read them, and I thought, wow! She can suddenly write coherently! But then I saw you hadn't written them after all, and I became peeved. You shouldn't post articles like that in YOUR DIARY. In fact, I'd go back and delete those entries. You're wasting Andrew's space.
As for your regular entries, I wasn't feeling you. You're contradictory, and not fascinatingly so. Got that? (You really should have made more jokes about that constipation. It's not just an excuse to say "shit" a lot.)
Layout - 7/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 4/5pts. I don't like your tagboard hugging the right and the entry hugging the left. Why don't you make your font larger, your table bigger, and get rid of the tagboard? Tagboards are silly anyway. The moving smiley faces and other inane bits bugger the crap out of normal people.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 3/5pts. Your font is TOO SMALL and the line spacing is TOO SMALL. My eyes do NOT read such SMALL font. Fix it now. If you like to be emotional and small, then at least take it out of CSS so that people using Internet Explorer can change the size using the "view" option on their browser. And even if you use Netscape and are able to change the size of the font, the line-spacing is still too small and crowded. My eyes hurt.
Contact - 5/5pts.
Updates - 4/5pts. You disappeared in November and December?
And then you came back with a vengeance. You took to updating three, four, TWELVE times a day. Jeez. Well, the time you spend updating is time you don't spend eating. Har, har.
Errors - 3/5pts. In Opera, your tagboard is ON TOP of your entry. And I really like using Opera, but it seems like Diaryland is the world of retarded programmers, so I'm never able to use it when I go there. And so I become angry.
You tried to offer HTML help and it did not work. You have to use special codes to make the tag symbols show up on an HTML document.
Total - 40/100pts. This lands you plop into the "bad" section, along with most of the other people. So, does this mean you're weird or not? At least you don't have sex all the time. I can't stand pregnant teenagers. Wah, pay attention to me, I'm pregnant. Hey, readers? If you're pregnant and whine a lot about it in your diary (and you're a teenager), please don't make me review your diary. I'll be cruel, and you'll cry and write terrible things about me in your diary, and I'll glower.
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