03/25/2003
This is a review of foxfyre.diaryland.com.
Content - 21/75pts.
[-]Execution - 10/45pts. I will begin by solving your misery. It is unhealthy for you to lie to people who ask you how you are. They genuinely care about you. That's why they're asking. It's unhealthy for me (and every other reader of your diary) to find you miserable and whiny, especially since we didn't ask for it. And the worst of it is that you won't feel relief from simply writing your depressed, self-pitying entry. You won't feel relief until one of those people who asked you how you were reads the entry and comforts you. What a joke! Just tell those lovely people in the first place.
I bet you're just afraid that they don't really care or that they just want to hear "fine." Well, I'm also willing to bet that you're tired of those feigned gestures of friendship. By being miserably truthful every time one of those people asks after you, you'll discourage all but the ones who really care (and that's probably all of them anyway) from questioning you.
Thanks. And next question?
In fact, every time you feel the urge to write a wah-woe-is-me entry about how miserable and socially inept you are (by the way, a Google image search for "socially inept" returns my site in the top ten!), just go back and read your second entry. This way, you'll remind yourself that the woe-is-me entry has been done and overdone not only by every other miserable Internet person, but also by your very own self. So don't do it anymore!
Don't believe that you do it often? You do. I love using links to prove people wrong. You are proved wrong here and here. And other places. Even happy entries are vague. Everyone is happy sometimes and sad at others. Happy/Sad isn't interesting. The details are what interest us.
Question: where did 111235813 go?
Another question: Why'd you bother to even write this entry? And then subject me to it? I'm personally offended.
At this point, I'm in April 2002 of your life, and I'm beginning to hate you. But I've too many people in my "bad" section, and I need more balance. And so I skipped ahead to November 2002.
I thought I could relate to an entry titled "old people suck," but it just seemed to be a typo-filled and just mean entry. More woe-is-me. And so many grammar errors. I broke out with large, basketball-sized hives.
Hey. I really enjoyed this entry. But, of course, you didn't write it. But I enjoyed it all the same.
And then you have I love KURT VONNEGUT! declared several times. But guess what. Kurt Vonnegut has his own books. Everyone already reads them. They are a welcome change from your writing (your "more inane rambling," as you so aptly titled one entry), but they don't help you get a better score. Know why? Because YOU didn't write it. And if we wanted to read Kurt Vonnegut, we'd get off your site and go read him. Instead of just quoting the books (which, trust me, we have all read) tell us what you think about Vonnegut, if you think anything at all. Do you just like that he says "Jesus is a nobody"? Does that amuse you? What is it?
I think you try to actually discuss something like emotions and thoughts here, but I've no idea what you're saying. What book? Who's Charlie?
Only one quiz entry is allowed. You'd three or four, and I became buggered. (They usually had the most interesting entry titles, so I was tricked into "reading" them.)
Pointless. Also pointless. And use a word processor to write entries. Gross and pointless.
At that point, I gave up reading. More of the same. Redundant. Your diary, except for the entries that Matthew Good or Kurt Vonnegut wrote, is dull and trivial. And there's more.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 0/10pts. Good, Bad, Mediocre advice for the miserable and lonely: If you spend your life criticizing others for their (every) written mechanical error, you will find that you don't have the time to remember that you're miserable and lonely. On that note, you wrote on this page, "or if i think they need to hear it, i'm great." See what's wrong? See it?
Also, from the same page, you miserably declared that you "want to die of a brain clot." Aha. Did you know that there's no such thing as a "brain clot"? No matter how much you pointed at your brain and yelled, "Clot, darn you," your brain will not clot. Your blood might, though. You might die of a blood clot. Maybe you were think of a brain aneurysm? Those are painful.
And then on this page: "Europe isn't the soultion, but It works for me"
There were innumerable errors. Check any entry that wasn't written by Kurt Vonnegut.
[-]Readability - 3/10pts. Your first entry had a long, long paragraph in which you summarized your life up to that point. I read the first three or four sentences and then you began to jump around, leaving me far behind you. Your head's in a muddle, like you said.
You broke out of the long paragraph habit (thank goodness), but you still employ the retarded-pink-teenage "like". For shame.
The personally offensive entry (this one) was toilet scum, with fur. I thought it'd just be a one-time thing, but you did it again. This is illegible and irritating because you use meaningless acronyms, invent words, and make references to aspects of your life that you do not explain. And so on.
[-]Style - 8/10pts. Reflecting the books you read, your style is actually rather poised and comfortable. You write well, but this only makes me more annoyed that your entries are so lacking.
Well, your prose is poised and intelligent except for the word "like." I've not seen you use it correctly yet.
Layout - 8/10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 5/5pts. Fine.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 3/5pts. I just hate it when people aren't careful with their archives navigation. Look at this awful mess you've got:
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
September 2001 - November 2001
June 2002 - October 2002
March 2002 - May 2002
December 2001 - February 2002
What kind of order is that? Either do it all present to past or all past to present. Mixing it up isn't exciting. Move "September 2001 - November 2001" to the end of the list, and it'll be fixed.
The font is difficult to read, enough to the point where I went to the trouble of changing the option of accessibility in my browser. Change your font. There are some fonts that are easy to read. You know the ones, the fonts they use on CNN and TIME and GBM. Use those fonts instead. (If you really like your artistic, punkish font, make your links that font. But not your regular text. It's hard to read.)
Contact - 5/5pts. Jesus was a nobody.
Updates - 5/5pts. Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moooooooooooooon? (That's my favorite Vonnegut quotation.)
Errors - 0/5pts. On this page, the images are too big for your table, making the entry part of your site larger than it's supposed to be. You can resize the images right on the HTML! (Rockin'!) Just add width="480px" to the images' source tags. Make sure you do it for both images.
The same larger-than-table entry error occurs on this page, but it is more due to the fact that you had an excessively long number. It is a very long number. I'm not sure what the number represented because I couldn't read your entry. (You go and try to read it. Impossible.)
On your oldest archive page, some of the pages (10/19, 11/4, 11/25) have dates that have typos or are different from the rest of the dates. You can go back and change the way the dates show up. You should do that. It looks messy.
The archive page labeled "Dec '01 - Feb '02" has an April entry in it.
The image on this entry doesn't work.
This page skips lines at strange locations.
You've got a lot of little things that add up. Too bad.
Total - 39/100pts. You know what to fix. I check on diaries to see if they actually fix the errors that I spend so much time whining about. Most of them don't. That makes me sad. Wah. Oh, yeah, and that's a "bad," of course.
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