03/01/2003
I liked the idea of Diaryland. Of course, the site will go belly-up one day soon (I can't really see how the thing makes any money at all. Maybe Andrew is independently wealthy), but before it does, it gives people all over the world a forum to post their ideas for FREE and with total ease. And most of these people, people who can't afford web space of their own, are teenagers. And are they ever teenagers, with a vengeance.
Diaryland is a pretty little idea, but, man, can teenagers mess it up. Teenagers are whiny, falsely self-effacing, cruel, meaningless, and often just stupid and annoying. Sigh. And, man, are these kids sometimes brilliant.
And review sites! How cute! It's important to get more visitors a day (to read your brilliant ideas), and an easy, convenient way to get more visitors is to be linked. And a simple way to be linked is to be reviewed.
Perusing the review sites, I expected to find harsh, biting commentary on the stupidity of some the diaries. But, of course, I found mostly teenagers who are whiny. Self-effacing. Cruel, meaningless, and stupid. Very, very stupid.
Some sites give MORE points for layout than content. What the hell. I bet I can do a better job.
Yep. Read the scoring guide.
Content - 75pts. This is out of this world! I weigh content so heavily because your diary is essentially... content. Whether your diary works or is a waste of time is based on what you write. It just makes sense that this should be worth the most, and the most by a large margin.
[-]Execution - 45pts. Most diaries are intended, presumably, for the author to write, to feel, and to come to a clearer understanding of himself. I distrust diaries like that. If you want to really FEEL, really learn about yourself, you need to be truly free from everyone's criticism, except yourself. In other words, get off the Internet and buy a paper journal and a few pens. But, anyway, this is Diaryland! Flock hither, voyeurs, one and all! And every author knows that those voyeurs flock, and any author who says he doesn't write for them is lying to himself. If you truly wanted to write for yourself and no one else, you would write secretly in a notebook you hide under the bed. At an online forum like this, you write for us, the readers, and as such, I judge you on how entertaining or meaningful your diary is to me. But wait, you might say. It's a DIARY. I can't judge someone's DIARY like that! You're right. I can't. Unless you ask me to.
[-]Grammar/Mechanics - 10pts. Oh, GOD, are some of you terrible at spelling. HOMONYMS! Ahh! Not following grammar and spelling conventions is a pet peeve of mine and a pet peeve that has a great deal of sense behind it. We have these rules for a reason: to make it easier to communicate. And you cannot communicate through your journal without following the rules. Simple enough.
[-]Readability - 10pts. Abuse of internet slang. And, aside from slang, constant references to people or things or inside jokes that we readers who don't know you personally can't follow. Those are a bummer. They make me feel alienated and lonely.
[-]Style - 10pts. I want to hear your voice. Don't use stilted, retarded metaphors, if you don't naturally use them. Don't write like a four-year-old. (Unless you are a four-year-old.)
Layout - 10pts.
[-]Aesthetics - 5pts. Ooh, pretty. Or, ooh, not so pretty.
[-]Navigability/Legibility - 5pts. Gah, can't stand scrolling annoyingly and searching for links and so on. And I didn't think legibility'd be a problem with a computer screen, but fonts can get impossibly tiny! Damn it, don't make your font impossibly tiny!
Contact - 5pts. No one wants to stalk you. I'll give you full credit if you have e-mail or whatnot.
Updates - 5pts. Uh. Ain't much of a diary if you don't update frequently.
Errors - 5pts. Self-explanatory.
Total Total TOTAL - 100pts.
And when it's all said and done, you'll be categorized as one of the three: Good, Bad, or Mediocre. Most of you will be mediocre, I imagine. (And no one will be "good." Except people I want to impress.)
If you want a review, head on over to the contact page and fill 'er out or e-mail me at gbmreviews@yahoo.com. Be sure to link back to me.
Oh, and have a gander at the triage page, if you want. Or don't. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Have fun, and be safe, kids.
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